Ten Things: I Wish Black People Would Stop Doing

1. Giving babies stupid names: Everyone wants their child to be interesting and unique and many times that starts with an interesting name, but there is a fine line between creative and destructive. If your name is Mary and your husband's name is Kevin....don't name your son Markevin. If you really want to give your children a gift they can realize when they grow up, give them a name that will allow them to get a job.

2. Being Ignorant In Public: In the confines of your own home its ok to be a lil Coon if you would like...in fact...nothing realizes stress better than breaking out some coonery. HOWEVER, the middle of a public venue is NOT the time to become a shufflin negro with no home training. I was recently waiting for a table at a restaraunt when a couple walked in and stood behind me for 15 minutes. The woman began to raise all hell because she was not being seated. Had she calmly inquired as to why...the coon would have realized that you have to go to the hostess and announce yourself and THEN they find you a table (I would have thought anyone who has ever been out to eat knows that, but you cant take coons anywhere).

3. Rapping and Singing To Yourself In Public: I know the lyrics...you know the lyrics and Lil Wayne and Alicia Keys still perform their songs a little better than you. Stop looking like a fool, this isnt the bathroom mirror and you're not anyones American Idol.

4. Rewarding idiocy: African Americans have a literacy rate almost as low as immigrants and the said part is we aren't trying to learn English as a second language. Parents please stop encouraging your children to talk "street" and then being surprised that the street is the only arena where they can succeed. Enunciation and proper syntax aren't being white. They are traits of intelligent men and women.
Celebrating the little boy who wants to rap but can't even write a sentence is pathetic. Instead of buying your son Jeezy the snowman shirts how about buying them a book. Instead of having them look up to lil Wayne how about a doctor or a lawyer. When I was a kid my Unt and uncles would ask me to say my abcs and then reward me for knowing them. Now kids get rewards for knowing how to do the "stanky leg"

5. Complaining: Slave ships came and got us...thats true...we spent years suffering the indignities of slavery...yes, true. We then have spent the rest of our existence as a people fighting against the outrageous injustices of discrimination and hatred...nothing is closer to the truth. However, the story we tell at the end of the day should be we succeeded "in spite of" not failed "because of". Black people need to recognize that our race is our strongest asset, not our greatest liability. Just like bodybuilding, added stress and repeated abuse only serve as a sort of natural selection that has made us a much more resilient people. Its why 200 years out of slavery we are some of the most fine tuned athletes, most talented artists, and most creative minds on the planet. If you open up your eyes to realize we all have our own struggles to overcome then you would know there is nothing to complain about.

6. Senseless Obama Praise: Now, I worked for the Obama campaign in CHICAGO where it all started. I know the man's policies, I know the man's ideas, I know how the organization works and I know just how great of a president he could possibly be. Like many, I'm not ashamed to say I fell to my knees and wept like a baby when he was elected because to black people across the world, we never thought the day would come when America allowed itself to truly be an equal country...even for a day. That BEING SAID....it is one of my greatest pet peeves to hear a black person talking about how great Obama is and then when you ask them for his policies they can't name ONE. In fact, very many elderly black men and women dont actually AGREE with Obama's more liberal thinking. I love the man and what he stands for as much as the next black/white/yellow/or red guy, but know WHY you stand behind a man before you stand behind him.

7. Wasting Money: On average we earn thousands less than whites yet spend thousands more. Jordans are nice shoes, but when you make 13 dollars an hour, your 9 year old son doesn't have to them. Having realistic priorities...thats what differentiates adults from children.

8. Being In McDonalds Commercials: Somewhere along the lines McDonald's ditched its iconic slogan "Have you had you're break today?" and replaced it and the smiling multi-cultural faces of its pretend staff and clientele with boombastic niggeriffic imagery. I'm tired of seeing black people poplocking and rapping why eating Big Macs. I have never been in McDonalds and ordered a #3 and then leaned back in a B-Boy stance nor as a child did was my DREAM to work at a Mcdonalds (like one commercial suggests of a 4 year old black boy and his older brother). Its pure racist madness and yet black actors keep auditioning for the role of Nigga #1 and Nigga #2. As a black actor myself I realize roles are hard to come and easy to lose, but integrity is even harder to come by and once you trade it for $300 dollars and a free lunch, you don't get it back.

9. Wearing any gold, platinum, or silver mouth apparatus that isn't braces: I dont really have anything against gold fronts and the like...i mean besides the fact that they make you look incredibly stupid. My problem is...I've never met a person with that crap in their mouth who's breath DIDNT smell like hangover vomit. *Forrest Gump voice* and thats really all I have to say about that.

10. WATCHING BET: Black Entertainment Television hasn't been black or entertaining for quite some years, but since selling itself to radically racist Sumner Redstone and his Empire of Evil (Which includes, but is not limited to: Bill O'Reilly, Glenn Beck, Sean Hannity, and the most often gag inducing (both for her concrete like face and for the things that fall out of it) He-She, Greta Van Susteren), BET has been little more than a cartoon. A walking joke that depicts Black America in the most negative of lights. By cutting the nightly news program from the station, Redstone and Viacomm succeeded in stealing the station's last vestige of intelligence. Now, BET is little more than a cautionary tale of what can happen to a good idea when it is influenced by not so good of people. And along the way it has done more than its share to contribute to the de-evolution of young black men and women across the country and the deterioration of the black image. KKK members should pay homage to Bob Johnson and his cohorts for making such a powerful recruiting tool for white supremacists. The station is a celebration of coonery at every angle and is in no truer a representation of black life than gangsta rap is a representative of "the streets". It has spawned a nation of white children imitating what they think it is to be black, to the embarrassment of us all. It has given us a half hearted "Rap it up" campaign (one that disgusts me not only because they air the commercials right after endorsing videos in which artists are OPENLY TALKING ABOUT UNSAFE SEX, but also because they think so very little of their audience that they couldn't even spell wrap correctly. As if black men and women will only respond to "hip hop" oriented messages, making a complete mockery of the situations severity), "Coonery Hill" and a host of other blemishes on the face of black america. Recently, BET honored our greatest star at the BET Awards by wholly dishonoring him. A poorly run, uninspired, vulgar, mess of a show. Exactly the opposite of every SINGLE thing that Michael Jackson stood for. The only solace I take is that had Michael Jackson been alive, he wouldn't even have attended the awards ceremony anyhow. I wont be attending anymore either.

A Good Guys Truth

Quite often I am accosted by single women with complaints of their not being enough good men "out there". Usually, I have the patience to just humor them and tell them everything is going to be alright. I tell them that they are too good for their ex or that in time they will find the person they are looking for, however, the other day an older man in the gym said something that resonated with me. "Brian", he said while rubbing beads of sweat off his brow, "a friend is a person who tells it like it is. Not how it should be." Then his lifting buddy, a slight man with sixty years of wisdom and probably sixty gray strands of hair, joined the discussion. "My mother used to say the wounds of omission cut a lot deeper than the wounds of the truth...and they take a lot more time to heal." So in lieu of these two very very truthful statements, I must now be very very true. Here it goes:

Dear Women,

I know this doesn't apply to all of you and there are many of you who don't need to hear this. Sadly though, there are many many more of you who do. All the nights you sat by the phone waiting for him to call, all the nights spent staining satin pillows with the salt of your tears...it is all YOUR fault. You and only you are to blame for the problems you have encountered in relationships. Forgive me if I sound harsh but I know of no other way to deliver sound a message. The truth is, many, NOT ALL, but many women suffer not from a lack of options but from a lack of maturity. There truly are a vast amount of good, hard-working, god-fearing, "I can bring him home to meet my parents" type of men "out there". The problem is simply that what you say you want and what you constantly decide to have are in constant opposition to one another. For the younger sect of women who say they want a nice guy, tell me then why you break your neck and run off the next woman to be with the man with no job, no prospects, and no ambition? Perhaps such an inexplicable behavior lends itself to the poisonous notion that you can "fix" a man. Take it from a man, you can not. You are all beautiful inside and out, but frankly there doesn't exist a single woman on Earth that "makes me wanna be a better man". Putting a new coat of paint on a house doesn't keep the termites from eating its rotting foundation. Change always comes from within and then radiates outward. A man will change when a MAN DECIDES it is time for him to change. Not because of your handy work. Use some of your common sense and stop looking to change a bad situation into a good one....and just look for a good situation. And if, by chance, you still find yourself wanting something that cant be tamed...go ride a wild horse.
It is true that men have our issues, but you exacerbate things by becoming willing enablers to all the drama. In fact, it is a distinct lack of maturity that draws the women I am referring to toward drama. You seem to crave it. A woman once told me that if a relationship is completely devoid of drama its boring. Obviously, she has not stepped into the real world. OUT HERE in the real world there are plenty of dramatic things and as one of the real and good men you claim to seek I can tell you that as hard as life can be for a man, a real man doesn't want to come home to a storm in his relationship. In fact, a real man doesn't look to cause the people he loves any unnecessary strife. Children fight. Adults communicate.
Speaking of communication, I want to take some time in this letter to ask questions rather than open wounds. Why be with someone who is not equipped emotionally to handle an adult relationship? Is it because you aren't? Why be with someone who is verbally abusive? Do you believe so little in yourself that nurturing conversation hurts you? If the thug life doesn't appeal to you, why chase after those who fit its image? If you can't bring him to your parents home, why even bring him to yours?
Remember that we are the exact mirror image of that which we pursue. If you are in pursuit of those who just arent that good then its time to evaluate you. So when I told you that you were too good for your ex, I apologize for lying to a multitude of friends. You were just as good as him. You deserved him. And until you begin to wise up and break whatever chains constrain you to this behavior, he is all that you deserve. I am not saying this to ruffle your feathers or because I am jaded. I am saying it because I love each and every one of you. There are good men out there and in time you may open your eyes to the many standing right in front of you, but you'll never deserve better than what you are.

Love,

Brian

A Pause For The Cause: Love: In Black And White

I recently read a blog post by my buddy Stuart McDonald, you should give it a read ( http://stuartmcdonald.wordpress.com/2009/07/06/yes-i-like-black-women-is-that-a-problem/ ) , that was in response to an article that was disparaging interracial relationships. Like Stuart, or Stuey D. Williams as I like to call him, I am an avid and often times voracious reader of differing opinions. Though a staunch Democrat, I can understand and agree with many Republicans. Though a die hard Chicago Bears fan, I can appreciate and congratulate the Green Bay Packers for such a plethora of accomplishments garnered over their existence. I am a man, but can put myself in the shoes of a woman (not LITERALLY). The point I'm trying to make is that I have always took pride in being able to be judicious and cerebral in my thought process. I am proud of my ability to see both sides of the argument, however, when it comes to those who disagree with interracial relationships, I find them baseless and ignorant. Nothing more. Nothing less. I come from the home of a strong black family and the womb of a strong black woman and my skin is a constant reminder of the heritage I carry. Many feel that dating outside of my race stains that heritage in some way or another. Many feel as if it dilutes my blackness just because the woman at my side is Hispanic or Caucasian or Asian or any other tone that isnt distinctly "brown". I have dated outside of my race many times in the past and it has always been a very pleasant experience behind closed doors. However, I find myself constantly confronted with a world outside my window that is obsessed with turning something so beautiful into something so incredibly ugly. For those who think races should not "mix" tell me what exactly is wrong with two people being in love. I had an older white man tell me that black men who date white women are only doing it because they have a sexual fetish toward "his" women and that we still carried a "chip on our shoulder" from slavery and were anxious to use white women to even the score. Well, I've always been a believer in debunking idiocy with dry logic so here we go: If sexual intercourse in itself is a fetish and white men have been having sex with black women since Aunt Jemima was young, wouldn't that make him part of the worlds "freakiest" ancestry? Secondly, black men DO in fact carry the lingering weight of slavery and racism on their shoulders, but how exactly would dating a white woman "even the score" when it only serves to make everyone act even MORE harshly toward you. Its like taking a bath in honey then running with a bee's nest past Winnie The Pooh...its not that smart of an idea.
I had a black woman tell me that my dating of women outside of my race was pathetic and that I was only doing it because I was intimidated by black women. I love black women. My mother and two sisters are among them and I do believe that there is something quite magnificent about power of a black woman. That being said, I love all women and for one race (even if I happen to be a part of that race) to believe that their struggle is in some way superior to that of another is quite arrogant. It takes strength to be an honest and good woman of ANY race and if we all took the time to look outside of ourselves we would see the beautiful nuances that exist within the culture of our neighbors. I love the strength and beauty a black woman carries with her through the adversities of being black in America and a woman in a man's world. I love the sensuality of hispanic woman and their poise they display living in an America that feels it is quite alright to be racist and misogynistic toward them because Americans seem to feel "its only racism if its aimed at African Americans." Yes, I even love the nature a white woman has to carry because (believe it or not) it is not incredibly easy to be ANY kind of woman in America especially a white woman risking everything to love a man who isnt her same skin color. What I want you to take from this rather long and rather unorganize jumble of thoughts is that it takes bravery to love a person and when a two people of any color decide to make that leap of faith it should be celebrated not denigrated. When I pick a wife it will be a decision made not from sexual fetish or settling scores, nor from loyalty to my race. It will be a decision I have come to earnestly and out of loyalty to my heart. The bible says that God made US in HIS image. I own just about every interpretation of the bible that exists and never have I once seen it say, God made some white people and some black people and come yellow people and some red people and then told them you are all different and you should never come together". When I do read that I will be more than happy to reduce my options to only those sharing my brown skin, but until then I see no point. There is nothing more pure fulfilling than love. Those who choose to live their lives on an empty pursuit of ugliness can do just that. I, however, will enjoy life in all its hues and be all the better for it in the end. Food 4 Thought...eat freely

Although I am only 23 I have lived quite a full life and have learned a very many lessons on the way. Here are just five I would like to share with you:

1.ITS EASIER TO TELL THE BRUTAL TRUTH THAN A BLATANT LIE: Being politically correct is only correct if you're a politician, for everyone else it is nothing more than being a coward and most times a liar. During our lives we will all be faced with times in which we choose to tell the truth and hurt someone or we can choose to lie and make ourselves feel better. Take it from me, you may hurt one person with the truth, but you hurt everyone involved with your lie.

2. NEVER PUT YOUR TRUST IN PEOPLE WHO ASK FOR IT: I've always been a friend to anyone and everyone who has needed one. I recognize that a friend is a person who doesn't need to be told when its time to be one and never needs your validation. People who openly vie for your trust are people who are trying to veil themselves in your security. They are only in your life to hurt you. Give your trust sparingly and only to those who have earned it with a quiet dignity and respect becoming of a true friend.

3. (MEN) THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A DAMSEL IN DISTRESS: Although I may at times come off as rude, arrogant, or whatever other portrait those foriegn of me try to paint, I have a heart as big as the open sky. However, in recent years it has always come back to haunt me. I cant count how many times I have found myself in bad situations trying to "save" other people. Guys, realize that there is no such thing as a "damsel in distress" and you are never going to be a "knight in shining armor". The truth is that life is pretty indiscriminate and that whatever your life becomes is entirely what YOU made it. So when you see that woman with the sob story...maybe she is struggling to stay in college....maybe she is a single mother...maybe she cant pay her rent...when u see HER barely keeping her head above water...the best thing to do is to LET HER DROWN! The only savior in this universe is Jesus. Thats why HE could walk on water. In your case, she will use you as her life raft and ride you to safety and out of whatever bad situation she is in, after that you will be discarded like a Haitian inner tube. Dont be struck by a pretty face, once the novelty of it all wears off you will find she is not the girl you loved, she is not the person you respected and her pretty face masks a decaying personality. Keep in mind that she will NOT save you. Keep in mind that her decision making got her to where she is. Don't jump into troubled waters...you have not the life jacket to weather her storm.

4. FEAR IS AN INDICATOR OF SUCCESS: You go to work day in and day out mindlessly, never once putting any thought to the terrifying notion that you could very well work a job you hate for the rest of your life. However, when the idea of quitting and chasing after your dream rears its head, you are petrified. Its normal to fear the unknown, but take a second to ponder this: Very few people are successful and they have all traveled the same path. Take a walk through the wilderness. Your calling may lie hidden in the wilderness. Take the unbeaten path.

5. LIVE ON FIRE: Life is such a precious gift I think it has to be a sin to only exist. Take a chance to truly enjoy life and always live it with the same fire and passion as your creator. The breath in your lungs is a precious thing few have ever gotten to experience and each day you survive is one day more than a vast majority of the population. Every sunrise makes you a champion so live your life as if you've already won. Live fully. Live freely. Life on fire.

A Literary Exercise : Gods And Mortals

Im TRYING to finish my novel Green Eyes but right now I am experiencing writers block...so the next few entries will be literary exercises...if you dont like to read...come back in three days lol. And without further ado...i will write until it makes sense....here we go.




What happens when Gods and mortals meet
Where fear and apprehension fleet
And sweet talk lasts from night til dawn
Without a single wearied yawn

How do you make a goddess laugh
When first she comes across your path
With promises she dare not keep
That finally get you back to sleep

How can you not offend the clouds
From wondering these things aloud
Like how can she be satisfied
With such a merely mortal guy

What rights that I would sacrifice
To spend one less than mortal night
With such a goddess once again
Even if she must pretend

Tell lies to me til I'm content
So I can breathe without resent
Since mortal lives are doomed to end
Let mine resign with Goddess friend

And when I'm gone
Return to skies
To conquer other fruitless flies
But handle them with gentle hands
Or crush them like you did this man

Your truth is never true or tried
But just a version of your lie
And those who choose to play pretend
Will never be alone again

What happens when Gods and mortals meet
Where fear and apprehension fleet
The mortal always lives to say
I curse the day she flew away

The Casting Director Game

So...im at work daydreaming about jobs I'd rather have. Today I wish I was a casting director for big hollywood films. Get to hobnob (that word is in the dictionary, by the way) with all the celebrities and live in the tragic irony that is working in such a hollow and depressing business that produces a finish product so full and inspiring to others (trust me, i know from experience), but I digress.... *thought bubble* It would probably go a little something like this.....




BLACK MAN starring Wesley Snipes

Tagline: They thought nothing could be darker than the night...

Plot: Harold Jenkins is a mild mannered Karate Instructor by day, but by night he stalks the streets as BlackMan, a half man half shadow hell bent on keeping the streets clean. He doesnt have to lurk in the shadows...he is one.




MR. T GOES TO SCHOOL starring Questlove

Tagline: He pities the fool who doesn't think learnin' is cool

Plot Summary: Mr. T is going back to school and hes bringing the PAIN! Opting for a more peaceful life than the A-Team could provide, T decides to become a high school gym teacher. He soon finds that running away from explosions and busting heads was the easy part...Teenagers are hard!




REDEMPTION starring Chris Brown & Elmo

TAGLINE: Theres always a first time for a second chance


PLOT SUMMARY: Chris Brown had it all, money, fast cars, and a legion of adoring fans. The sky was the limit until one fateful night everything changed. Broken and alone, Brown hits rock bottom as a janitor at the Sesame Street School of Arts. It is there under the instruction of the strict but caring Elmo, Brown learns that even if you can't see a star shining it still a star.



MANnequin starring R. Kelly

TAGLINE: No Refunds, No Exchange, No Escape

PLOT SUMMARY: Somethings very wrong in Little Susies girls department store when young girls continue to disappear without a trace. When Detective Randy Cheeks is assigned to the case he goes undercover as a store mannequin to get to the bottom of this eerie case.





A Shot On Tequila: The Documentary

TAGLINE: A good STIFF comedy.

PLOT SUMMARY: She's everyone's favorite....well...the very well liked...uhmm...the amazing actress...ok uhhh...a capable singer...no uhhh...ok lets try this again. The most untalented annoying and self obsessed woman in the world has produced a film about the cause she cares about most. Herself. Follow Tila as she sits at home and tweets all day about being a superstar. Bonus footage includes 15 minute long outtake reel, some would call it her career.


And lastly for today would be




HEAD OVER WHEELS starring Matthew McConnawhatever his name is and Kate Hudson

TAGLINE: He drives a car, she rides a bike...but that wont stop them from falling Head over wheels!

Plot: Its basically just Matt talking in his southern drawl and smiling stupidly for 2 hours...like all the rest of his movies.

Ahhh the possibilities..... *thought bubble closed* Sigh...guess i should get back to work.

10 Random Thoughts @ Work

1. Where is Joe Biden?

2. Would twitter have been so successful if they had named it after the sound of another animal? I can't exactly see myself "meowing".

3. One of the best feelings in the world are a pair of new socks. Its like moving into a fresh white house with brand new carpet...ahhhh new socks.


I went to college and all the kids who had guitars had really cute girlfriends. So I bought one and stood on campus holding it. A really cute girl came up to me and asked me how long I was gonna wait before I played a song for her. I replied, "That depends. How long does it take to learn how to play guitar?" she walked away. Now I just carry a boombox like Radio Rahim. The girls are less cute and wear a lot of gold chains.

5. I don't care WHAT animal lovers say, MY MOUTH is cleaner than a dog or a cats. I sat and watched a dog lick his own balls for 11 minutes one day. As to why I watched for the entire 11 minutes, it was a slow day at work but thats besides the point. I also so a cat lick his own butt....I know what comes out of there...thats not so clean.

5a. Well, now that I think about it, some adults are partial to licking butts
too. It used to be so black and white when I was talking about cats and
dogs, but now you throw humans in and its gray to me. Moral of the story
if you MUST lick a butt...brush and Scope it people.

6. If you are in the NBA and get paid MILLIONS to play basketball, you should be fined 5000 dollars EVERY TIME you miss a FREE throw. It's an open shot. If you cant make an open shot 15 feet away from a basket (and you are ONLY on average 3.5 feet shorter than the basket....you shouldn't be a ball player).

7. I was watching an episode of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles with a four year old on Monday and as a grown up i had a few questions. You mean to tell me that while people found it odd that there were these 6 foot muscular surfer talking, karate chopping, pizza eating turtles that lived in the sewer...NOBODY found it strange that shredder was a 6 foot man in a purple Under Armour shirt, a cape, and a mangled trash can on his head? Also,...why would SIX FOOT MUSCULAR SURFER TALKING, KARATE CHOPPING, PIZZA EATING TURTLES need to wear masks...chances are they are prolly the only ones out there. What the hell was Krang?






8. Does anyone know exactly WHY we were even looking for Waldo? I mean you go through all that trouble and once find him you turn the page. Thats kinda dumb, especially if he owes you money.

9. Whoever thought of musical chairs was a horrible party host. I play this annoying and very often VIOLENT game and all I win is a chance to sit down? I hate contests where you dont really win anything. I'm sure they also invented the Pepsi Challenge

10. Where is Ananda Lewis? And what happened to Teen Summit?